Hi everybody! So I have to admit that I have had a bad few days. I am struggling with some stuff and it is making for a horrible amount of stress on me. Its getting better because I am learning to share with my fiance what is going on and he is always able to make me feel better. I have a little history lesson about myself today. I have always been raised to be independent and to rely on only myself. This was in part from how my mother raised me and in part because of my parents divorce at an early age, but not so early I don’t remember thinking that my little sister was mine to take care of. Now don’t get me wrong I have the most amazing mother and the best step-father a girl could ask for but we went through some rough stuff which I don’t think my sister remembers nearly as much as I do. I remember staying at home by myself when I was 8 or 9 for a few hours after school and always waiting for my sister and making sure she was ok before I ever did anything for myself. Once we got old that of course changed and we went through our “I hate you phase” as we are only 2 years apart. But the world that this created made me independent and I really don’t trust anyone to do stuff but myself. When I met Matthew, that all changed. I rely on him so much more than anyone else. I am close to my mom, but not like I am to Matt, but I still keep things from him, like my side of our finances. We both have our own checking accounts so we still pay our own halves but its not like we don’t share if we need too, but I tend to not tell him if I am the one that needs help because of my history. So long story short all of this creates a whole bunch of stress that I keep to myself and it makes me crabby and emotional and it sucks. My hair falls out, my face breaks out and I am just a mess. I know that I need to tell him whats going on but I just hate to, I hate to feel like I can’t do it all by myself and I hate even more to ask for money from anyone, but especially him since he can hold up his side of things. I know that this is a flaw I have created in our relationship. When it comes to money its mine and its his, its not ours. I don’t feel like he should have to pay for my credit cards tho when he doesn’t have anything to do with them or the money I put on them. So I don’t tell him that I can’t make the ends meet.
I am hating my life right now because of all this. I have told him some about it but he doesn’t know how bad it is and let me tell you that trying to eat well and even buying healthy food is horrible while dealing with this. I know I am whining today and I am sorry for it but I just haven’t been doing anything to further my weight loss and I thought that someone could learn from my mistakes. Everyone just needs to share, especially with a partner tha is committed to them and wants nothing more than to help.